If you've been reading for a while, you'll already know mornings aren't my strong suit. For years, the biggest obstacle between me and doing what I said I would was a blaring alarm at 5am, five days a week.
I’ve done a lot of work to shift myself into a pattern where getting up at 5am is something I can rely on every time I try. Well, almost.
When it came to writing this week's topic, I found myself thinking about what had actually changed, because for a long time the story was completely different. I'd go to bed the night before fully convinced I was going to get up early, certain this was the morning I'd finally get it right. Then the alarm would go off, I'd hit snooze, and wake a few hours later already disappointed in myself before the day had even started.
5am is just my version of it. You've probably got your own, some moment where you know exactly what you should do and do the opposite anyway.
I was talking it through with Matt, my coach and co-writer of The Weekly, trying to work out what had actually changed. He helped me understand what had changed, and once I saw it, it was incredibly simple. Once I saw it, it was incredibly simple.
It all comes back to feedback loops, and understanding them might be the missing piece if you're trying to build a habit or break one.
The Loop
Habits tend to run on the same underlying pattern:
Cue > Behaviour > Outcome > Leaning > Likelihood of Repeating
Every time you repeat a behaviour, you're teaching yourself something about who you are and what works. That lesson changes how likely you are to make the same choice next time.
Take my mornings. I’ve managed to get them to run on what's called a virtuous feedback loop that reinforces the behaviour you actually want.
- Cue: Alarm
- Behaviour: Get out of bed and go to the gym
- Outcome: Feel energised, training done, feel good
- Learning: Getting it done earlier in the day is worth it and I am capable of doing it
- Likelihood I get out of bed early tomorrow: high!
But I used to be running on a different one, a vicious loop, where the reinforcement runs the other way.
- Cue: Alarm
- Behaviour: Hit snooze as fast as possible
- Outcome: Not as tired in the short term but I miss my session. Dissappointed in myself
- Learning: I’m not capable of getting up early. Staying in bed is easier and more comfortable
- Likelihood I get out of bed early tomorrow: very low.
The snooze loop was winning because I could see the benefits immediately; the comfort of staying in bed was instant, and I didn’t feel the guilt of missing the session until it was too late to do anything about it.
What changes comes down to one of two things
- Either the outcome gets significant enough that you can't ignore the lesson
- Or you change the loop itself before it gets that far
How to Break the Feedback Loop
We often hear that motivation fades and discipline takes over. I think that's only part of the story.
And yes, I agree to an extent, but discipline isn't something you magically decide to have one morning. It grows from repeatedly learning that following through is worth it.
In reality, if the learning you get from continuously doing the loop becomes strong enough, it can break the vicious cycle you’re stuck in.
Eventually I'd missed enough sessions to see the pattern. If I skipped the morning workout, work usually got in the way later, and by evening I just wanted to go home. Staying in bed felt good for twenty minutes, but it was costing me something I cared about far more.
If you're stuck in a loop right now, ask yourself: what are your actions actually costing you? What have you missed, put off, or not become because of it? Naming the cost is often what makes it possible to change it.
For me, that understanding alone was enough to break the loop and start waking up at 5am, consistently, for the first time.
How to Change the Friction
But what if the lesson isn't strong enough yet?
Then the move is to make following through easier than not following through.
One thing that helped me shift was shrinking the initial behaviour until it was easier to do than avoid (because yes, the learning was powerful but some days I still needed more help!).
So instead of getting out of bed and going to the gym, the only requirement became getting out of bed. What happened after that was up to me.
Some mornings that still meant the gym. On others it meant a slower start at home, going into work early, or a walk. Either way, the loop kept reinforcing the same lesson: I am capable of getting out of bed at 5am. Once I was out of bed, I'd already overcome the hardest part.
The same principle works wherever the gap between deciding and doing feels too wide. Laying out your gym kit the night before instead of deciding what to wear at 5am. Prepping lunch instead of relying on willpower when you're starving at midday. Booking the session with a coach so the decision's already made for you. Each one moves you in the same direction, just with a smaller first step.
The Virtuous Feedback Loop
Now this is the place to be!
Once you're inside a virtuous feedback loop, things stop feeling like a constant battle and start feeling like habit.
Every time the loop plays out the way you want, you're collecting evidence about who you are. You stop hoping you'll follow through and start expecting it from yourself.
For me, it's proof that I can get up at 5am. The alarm still goes off at the same time, and some mornings I'm just as tired as I've always been. The difference is that I've done it enough times to trust myself, and getting out of bed isn't really a decision anymore; it's simply what I do.
The loop starts reinforcing itself. Each successful repetition makes the next one more likely, and over time, what once took effort starts to feel automatic.
Trust that it gets easier from here. The sooner you start, the sooner the loop starts working for you instead of against you.
Positive or Negative, You Can Still Win
These days, when my alarm goes off at 5am, I do still feel it, but it’s easier to get out of bed. But the difference is that the short-term discomfort no longer outweighs what I've learned from following through.
That's an important distinction, because we often assume that if something still feels hard, we're doing something wrong. In reality, discomfort is often part of the process. You can be tired and still get up. You can feel resistance and still follow through.
But you don't need to wait for the lesson to become that painful. If the learning isn't strong enough on its own yet, you can change the loop somewhere else. Make the first step easier. Reduce the friction. Give yourself a chance to build a different pattern before the old one has another chance to reinforce itself.
The loop is already running. Every choice reinforces the next one. The only question is what it's teaching you, so make the next lesson a good one.
TL;DR
(Too long, didn’t read)
- Habits run on a loop: cue, behaviour, outcome, learning, likelihood
- A virtuous loop reinforces the behaviour you want. A vicious loop reinforces the one you don't
- You can break a loop by letting the outcome get loud enough to teach you something, or by changing the cue or behaviour directly
- Once you're in a virtuous loop, every rep builds proof, and that proof makes the next rep easier
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